Recently I added “It’s All So Incredibly Loud” by the Glass Animals to my current musical rotation. While it is a song about a couple breaking up, the reason it resonates so deeply in me is the language of grief found in the chorus:
“Ooh, I'm breaking down
Whispers would deafen me now
You don't make a sound
Heartbreak was never so loud”
Heartbreak and grief come in many forms. The most obvious is when we lose someone through death, breaking up, or the demise of a friendship. Sometimes we are cut completely out, sometimes it’s a slow fade. And this is when we acknowledge grieving the loss. The less obvious ways we grieve are when we lose a job or an opportunity we really wanted; we have a big change in our lives like moving to another state; when we feel our hopes die; and we even feel grief for not being known or seen as our true selves.
There are seasons of life that may feel like a master class in grief, and if you don’t know what it is then you may battle the symptoms, but not the root cause! You may be familiar with the 5 stages of grief identified by Kubler-Ross, they are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These are not sequential stages, but identifiable collections of symptoms that we may experience and express during our grieving. These can derail the progress we are making towards our goals, and if we don’t fully process the grief then our progress often is slowed until it is complete.
The reality of grief is that the only way is through, and the best way through is with people around you who can encourage you and help you to move through the grief. It can be easy to overlook and downplay grief when it is not associated with the loss of a person. One of the ways it shows up is as fear. When we grieve the loss of a dream, opportunity, or hope, it is easy to begin to fear that we won’t achieve anything. Or worse, that we don’t deserve our goals because of what we lose along the way.
Think back to a time that you lost something you greatly valued. What did you feel about that loss? Which stages of grief did you walk through? Who in your life helps you to recognize that you are grieving? And gives you the space to grieve?
I hope as you pondered these questions you realized who in your life supports you in the tough times and encourages your healing. When you find yourself getting stuck I hope you are able to move again with the help of these folks because the only way is through, and the way through is together. If you don’t have anyone, or if you are realizing that there are a lot of things in your life that you haven’t grieved and need help with that, reach out! Helping people break through these challenges is what I do as a coach. You can get a free 30min session by clicking here.
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