Grace for the Journey

Grace for the Journey
 We have reached that time of January where the hype of resolutions has faded into the reality of consistency. It is so easy to shame myself for not doing better, or being better, and then I am reminded that shame is paralyzing and does not bring me success. What then does bring success? 
 Acknowledging the reality of the journey has taught me the importance of self-compassion. It is easy to shame myself when I compare myself to others, but their path is not mine, and when I accept grace and celebrate the lessons I have learned along the way, I am more likely to apply those lessons and make better choices along the way.  Recognizing that my journey is incomparable to anyone else's has been liberating. It has enabled me to shed the burden of comparison and embrace my own identity fully, as well as silence the voice of shame.
 Consistency is key to make the desired changes in our lives, and the way to generate consistency is to recognize the need for two elements: 
1. Small changes. 
2. Celebration! 
 For every big change we make there are a thousand little changes that helped us complete the big change. Economist Thomas Sowell said “There are no solutions, only trade offs.” How I understand this to mean is that our choices are always compromises, we choose a, which means we have to give up b. This is how change happens in our lives, I choose to start the project, that means I’m stopping whatever fun activity I was using to procrastinate my project. And for every time I choose to complete a small step towards my goal, that is one less step in the opposite direction.
 I haven’t emphasized lately the importance of celebration! Humans have the horrible ability to focus on the one negative in a sea of congratulations. This is why it is so important to celebrate your wins, no matter how small! I asked earlier this week on my insta page @DeborahSpragueOfficial (give it a follow) “what is one way you cared for yourself today?” and celebrated the wins of those that answered. It is so important to build your success on a good foundation, and that includes accepting your own success. It is so easy to down play it and tell you that you aren’t worth the celebration, and by doing so you will crush your own spirit and stay exactly where you are because you will continue to believe that you are worthless. You are NOT worthless! So start right now and celebrate your successes today, no matter how small! 
 Coaching people to live their best lives by helping them discover just how worth it that they are, and how much value they bring the world, is what I do. Get your free 30 min sample session here so that you can discover your purpose. 

Three Steps to Achievable Goals!

Three Steps to Achievable Goals!
 Every time someone asks me what my 5 year plan is I cringe, visibly. I struggle to make 5 year plans for a variety of reasons, maybe you do too, but I’m good at setting and meeting goals. So instead of plans, let’s talk about your goals, because without goals, there are no plans!
 The first step in goal setting is to make sure that your goals are in line with what you value, if not you will not achieve the goal, and it will cause you conflict with yourself. Most of the time when I see this struggle it is because there is an expectation that is put on you by your family, friends, or culture. This does not make the expectation bad, and it does not mean that your family and friends don’t know you, it simply means that there is something they find wonderful and want you to have the same wonderful thing in your life. What matters here is to put that expectation in the right place, and to make sure your goals align with your values.
 The second step in goal setting is to see how your goals overlap with each other instead of conflicting. Think of those diagrams with circles that overlap a little bit, or a lot. For example: I love hiking and have a life goal of hiking as long and as far as I can. So goals that overlap this are to live around mountains, keeping my body healthy and strong, and to have a career that allows me to hike as much as possible. 
 The last step in goal setting that I’ll discuss today is that your goals are reasonable, measurable, and attainable. Setting a goal of being a billionaire who lives on a private island sounds amazing. But it may be too far out of reach today, so you will need to set smaller goals to achieve first. The snowball effect shows us that by achieving small goals you will roll through bigger and bigger goals because you have the energy and proof of attaining the goals along the way. There is nothing wrong with dreaming big as long as you are willing to do the hard work of making the smaller dreams a reality along the way to the big one. 
 Remember that Goals are how
 I live my faith.
 I spend my time.
 I spend my energy.
 I use my body.
 I spend money.
 I make memories.
 I experience success.
 I want to be remembered.

 After you take a few minutes to ponder each of these questions, comment below what you are discovering about yourself and your goals! 


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There is No January Magic,

There is No January Magic,

The first of the year is a great moment to check your goals, much like a mile marker or intersection, where are you? Are you on the way? Did you complete some goals and are therefore ready for new ones? The first of every month is a also a great time to visit and revisit these questions. So why all the January hype? I suppose it goes back to advertisers trying to make a dollar, which in modern times means hype across social media about a new year and a new me! 

  Maybe I’m cheap, but I don’t buy it. Humans are not Amazon Prime, a new us doesn’t arrive in 2-4 days! (That was a great meme I saw recently.) The experts say it takes 14 days of consistency to form a habit. This doesn’t magically happen when we wake up. Nor is there some magic energy that propels us to success. We know this. So why do we buy the hype? The Diets. The gym memberships? Dry January? Why? Because it is an easy starting point. And everyone else is, so why not maximize the camaraderie? So here we are, 7 whole days into the new year, how are those goals? How much are you shaming your self for your inability to overhaul your life in 7 days?  ... yeah, that’s what I thought.

 Let me be clear: guilt and shame do NOT bring successful change. They bring anxiety, frustration, pain, compliance, and more guilt and shame, but not successful change. And there is absolutely nothing about January that will magically change that. So, how can you change how you approach change? Here are my 4 tips!

 1. Set SMART goals. Simple, measurable, attainable, reasonable, time sensitive goals. Start small and simple. You didn’t arrive here in one month did you? Ok, so why fix it all in one! Take those big goals and break them down. 

 2. Good, better, best. When setting reasonable and attainable goals we have to be honest about what is a good enough result, what is a better result, and what is the best result? Attaining a good result is just as worthy of celebration as attaining your best result. Honor and celebrate your success as you go, then you’ll want to create more!

  3. Have a shame buddy. You know that person in your life who is brutally honest, they love you enough to call you out? Them! Tell them how you are shaming you for not achieving your goals and let them truth those lies right outta ya! Then celebrate your success and ability to stick out your plans when it gets rough. The hardest part is in your head!

  4. “Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.” - Anne of Green Gables. Receive grace my friend. You can only do your best today, and some days feel ruined before they start. That’s ok, do your best and tomorrow make better/different choices. A practice I am still learning to implement is when today goes off the rails, make choices in the evening to set tomorrow up to be better. While being fully present helps one delight in life, it is also wise to look at the bigger picture, what residue remains from yesterday? What does tomorrow hold? What needs to be done now to put today to rest, and prepare me for tomorrow?

 January holds no magic. Life won’t be different in February unless you make one consistent choice every day. And you DO have all the magic you need in your self, so set some goals and enjoy the process of achieving them, you amazing achiever you! 


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Finishing This Season Well

Finishing This Season Well

 On my to do list for November I wrote “last 2 months of the year” as a reminder to revisit my goals for this year and to check my alignment with where I want to be when this year ends. I realize that because of how 2020 has gone this may feel futile, but it’s even more important to adjust ones alignment now, before the year crashes to an end. (I mean, does any one expect 2020 to end smoothly?) I was encouraged to complete this task while watching a vlog the other night. The vlogger spoke of how a decade ago she was so depressed and therefore had created a fantasy world to escape into, when she realized what she had done she started to make the changes necessary to live in a place where she felt alive, where she would be surrounded by the environment she needed to thrive, she created her lifestyle to support who she is, mind, body, soul! And she is now so alive! 

  What is so significant about this? Because our reality right now seems so bleak, we need the reminder that we do have control over our own lives and outcomes. We are the gatekeepers of what comes into our homes, the food we put in our mouths, and over our schedules. Over the years so many clients have said to me “I can’t make that change because...” which is an excuse, choosing to be victim to ones own choices. The reality is that humans don’t make a change until it is more uncomfortable to stay the same. We can assess our values, and see what in our lives aligns with them. But until we start making the intentional choice to embrace what we want and stop settling on the status quo, we will remain in conflict with ourselves, enduring extra stress, and playing victim to our own choices. I do this too, and I can tell you it’s not easy to see it, to call myself on it, and to make the new choices. It is easier to stay in the sameness. But it’s always worth it.

    What new choice do you want to make about:

  • What your daily schedule looks like? 
  • What goes into your mouth?
  • What comes out of your mouth?
  • What social media you consume?
  • What shows/movies you consume?
  • What books you are, or are not, reading?
  • What environment you live in? (Yes, cleaning your house is self care!)
  • What you do to relax?
  • what you do to feed your soul?

Self care is about creating a life you actually want to live, not escape from. I look forward to hearing about your success with these small choices, and how they change your life! So leave a comment, or email me, change is easier with support.