Have you been there, talking about what you do, or hope to do, and people look at you like you are insane. They cannot make sense of how your life and schedule work. You don't stick to a 9-5, or 8-4. Maybe you don't follow the school calendar. Maybe you are a creative person who paints, write, or plays music, and your creative time is 1am. Maybe you are a service provider whose clients work 9-5, so you have to work around that schedule. Maybe you've found a career based on projects and not hours, so you work when you want to, and play when you want to. Maybe you are an entrepreneur and it feels like all you do is work.
The reality of any society is that the "rules" that govern it aren't there to harm, they are there to organize. We know certain businesses will be open from 9-5 Monday to Friday, and can plan accordingly. We know that the children will be in school 180 days a year on some schedule. We have a 2 day break we call a "week end". And lives are organized accordingly. So when you step out of this organization, you are fighting against all societal norms. And you are made to feel wrong. In feeling wrong you may cycle through convincing yourself your abnormal schedule is actually acceptable; and that it is the life that works for you; that you cannot go back to the crushing world you were in before; and that people need to get on your schedule instead of judging you for not being on theirs.
For some it seems easy to plant their flag and say "this is my ground, this is how I live, get over it!" But inside we all need acceptance. We all need approval from those we care about that what we are doing is acceptable to the community, and the world. So what do you do when the life you dream about, that you love, is adjacent to society?
First, be clear in yourself about this lifestyle and for what reasons you have made your life like this. I have a client who is a single mom, and talented artist. So her choice has been to create an art business around her schedule as a mom, one that can be flexible when school is out. One where she can thrive as a person, as a mom, and not pay thousands of dollars to childcare. But this looks like working odd hours, and not 9-5, and there are people around her who don't get it. And that is ok, because she does get it, and it works for her and her family!
Second, acknowledge the relationship that is questioning you. Is this an acquaintance? Then receive their questions as curiosity instead of judgment - even if you hear a judgmental tone. They don't really know you, their accepting of you is broader, of the community, and not a deep, intimate knowing of you and therefore painful rejection. If your dream fits you, works for you, that's all they need to know. But if this a close friend then you have a different conversation. People who really know you can hurt you deeply when they reject you because you have trusted them with so much of you. Most of these folks are celebrating you stepping into the fullness of who you are and how your life choices help you thrive. But for the few, for the family members who just don't get it, you have a choice regarding how much you will let them in on. You don't have to reveal everything to someone who doesn't get it, no matter how close you are. Keep you answers short and sweet, "You know how I enjoy painting, and you really enjoy how my paintings turn out? Well, this is making a living for me, so I'm going to do it."
Lastly, look at the results of your choices. If you are living the life you set out to make, then celebrate the fruit of your labor! If you are still in process, celebrate the progress you have made on your journey! It is so easy to look at how most people live and wonder if you should do the same, don't should yourself, should is a judgement. Maybe you need to keep your day job for a season or two while you get your new life set up, don't neglect your basic needs, nor your dream. These things take time and it's ok. The reality of big changes is that they are made up of hundreds of small changes over time.
Bonus thought: don't let the lie that you aren't doing enough steal your rest. Because your schedule is unique and doesn't align with everyone else's you don't have the rest breaks built in that we have placed in society. It is easy to forget to take a break, and easier to get burnt out. It is even easier to believe the lie that what you are doing isn't really work and therefore you haven't earned rest. The real question is: have you rested enough to perform to the standard you expect of yourself?
I'd love to hear what you are working on, drop a comment below about how you are changing your life, the dreams you are creating, and what struggle you continue to face.
