The first of the year is a great moment to check your goals, much like a mile marker or intersection, where are you? Are you on the way? Did you complete some goals and are therefore ready for new ones? The first of every month is a also a great time to visit and revisit these questions. So why all the January hype? I suppose it goes back to advertisers trying to make a dollar, which in modern times means hype across social media about a new year and a new me!
Maybe I’m cheap, but I don’t buy it. Humans are not Amazon Prime, a new us doesn’t arrive in 2-4 days! (That was a great meme I saw recently.) The experts say it takes 14 days of consistency to form a habit. This doesn’t magically happen when we wake up. Nor is there some magic energy that propels us to success. We know this. So why do we buy the hype? The Diets. The gym memberships? Dry January? Why? Because it is an easy starting point. And everyone else is, so why not maximize the camaraderie? So here we are, 7 whole days into the new year, how are those goals? How much are you shaming your self for your inability to overhaul your life in 7 days? ... yeah, that’s what I thought.
Let me be clear: guilt and shame do NOT bring successful change. They bring anxiety, frustration, pain, compliance, and more guilt and shame, but not successful change. And there is absolutely nothing about January that will magically change that. So, how can you change how you approach change? Here are my 4 tips!
1. Set SMART goals. Simple, measurable, attainable, reasonable, time sensitive goals. Start small and simple. You didn’t arrive here in one month did you? Ok, so why fix it all in one! Take those big goals and break them down.
2. Good, better, best. When setting reasonable and attainable goals we have to be honest about what is a good enough result, what is a better result, and what is the best result? Attaining a good result is just as worthy of celebration as attaining your best result. Honor and celebrate your success as you go, then you’ll want to create more!
3. Have a shame buddy. You know that person in your life who is brutally honest, they love you enough to call you out? Them! Tell them how you are shaming you for not achieving your goals and let them truth those lies right outta ya! Then celebrate your success and ability to stick out your plans when it gets rough. The hardest part is in your head!
4. “Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.” - Anne of Green Gables. Receive grace my friend. You can only do your best today, and some days feel ruined before they start. That’s ok, do your best and tomorrow make better/different choices. A practice I am still learning to implement is when today goes off the rails, make choices in the evening to set tomorrow up to be better. While being fully present helps one delight in life, it is also wise to look at the bigger picture, what residue remains from yesterday? What does tomorrow hold? What needs to be done now to put today to rest, and prepare me for tomorrow?
January holds no magic. Life won’t be different in February unless you make one consistent choice every day. And you DO have all the magic you need in your self, so set some goals and enjoy the process of achieving them, you amazing achiever you!
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I have a huge personal goal that I won’t achieve this year. I grieve that I won’t, and I accept that I am not giving up on it until I do achieve it. Because of this it is so easy for me to want to decide that 2020 was a failure. But in pausing to do the work of honestly assessing my year I realize the opposite is true, 2020 held much growth for me, opportunities unforeseen, and some personal work that I didn’t realize was needed. Over a medium such as this I want to lightly celebrate that I got to hike more this year than a “normal” year would of allowed. But let’s get real, I preach that self care can heal, that it propels us into presenting who we really are to the world, and affords us what we need to live our best lives! I want you to know that I practice what I preach, so here goes, this year I cared for my self in mind, body, and soul in these ways:
First I prioritized sleep and water, without enough of each the brain struggles to function, the body struggles, and there is no capacity for soul care. In life first things must come first, this lesson has been repeated for me throughout this whole year. In getting enough sleep, and in drinking enough water, I’ve noticed improvements in mood; ability to focus; weight management; recovery from exercise; consistent energy levels; increased initiative and follow through; and the surprising winner, increased upholding of my own boundaries! What? I know, sounds so weird, but if I’m going to put me to sleep in time I must turn off first. So I reinforced some boundaries around texting, streaming, and social media while establishing a nighttime routine that fits who I am now and what I need to get to sleep on time.
Second, I prioritized journaling. What did I have to journal about in 2020? A lot! As part of my boundaries I have been learning what needs to be processed privately in a journal, and what needs to be processed with friends. Because of the change in how we connect in 2020 I found it increasingly easy to just talk to friends over one medium or another. The problem is that my private struggles were getting left all over the place, but in taking the time to put them in my journal, to process thoroughly before discussing with a friend, not only did I benefit from the personal growth, I could then decide how to present myself in this new knowledge to said friend and keep friend time for friend stuff, not just me stuff!
Third, I admitted and began to work on my food habits. I don’t eat as consistently or as nutritiously as needed and my body pays for it. Food is so good! It cares for us like only food can! And in addressing my bad food habits I discovered a lot about other bad habits that I’ve developed! Sure I use really good supplements to support where modern food falls short, but they cannot make up for a lack of food, a lack of calories, or a lack of overall nutrients. It is easy to write a resolution of losing 20lbs and judging ones success based on a number. It is far more difficult to look at ones knowledge and behaviors and make changes accordingly. I would love to tell you that I hit my weight loss goals, but I didn’t. Instead I discovered that my bad foods habits spill over into all areas of my life and those need to be addressed too. Like I said, I did a lot of unexpected personal work this year!
Which brings me to my fourth, and final, work of self care that has brought such a change in me this year: addressing my worthiness. Through many conversations I’ve discovered most folks don’t feel worthy to care for themselves, for whatever reason they have come to believe this. I am no different. I’ve spent a lot of this year challenging these beliefs, and learning to replace the behaviors learned from them. What this looks like is me asking why I think that I’m not worthy of sleep, and instead of working hard to prove myself and losing sleep, I choose to be worthy of care and put me to sleep. Small changes that have increased my confidence, health, and mental and spiritual well-being, creating a much bigger overall change.
Please don’t write off 2020 as a failure. Pause, do the work, and agree with me and Manchester Orchestra: “Let me open my eyes and be glad that I got here.” - The Silence
