I am well aware of what happens while we wait. The hope that keeps us going, until it begins to feel like it is crushing us. The effort we make that seems to go nowhere. The prayers we pray. The angst that feels like it is crushing our lungs. The constant wondering if it will ever happen, knowing that just because it hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it won’t, but it doesn’t mean it will. Carrying this unseen weight into all moments, desperately wanting answers, while knowing that only God holds them.
As a coach this is where I would investigate what is holding you back, all the while knowing that sometimes we just need the grace of time. Grace means unmerited favor, so to be favored with time is an amazing gift, but it doesn’t feel amazing in the wait. In the moment it can feel hopeless, helpless, never ending, crazy, aching, longing, searching, or even an extended dark night of the soul. This is where I find the gift of perspective. It may have been YEARS of waiting, working, quips/proverbs/quotes, and wondering when you will see the results. So more time does not feel like a gift, but you are exactly where you need to be, which means if you need time you need it for a reason … or a few reasons.
In my experience that isn’t exactly comforting. But you aren’t comfortable right now, you are in the season of YET. Part of the discomfort is discovering how little of life is comfortable. Humans do everything we can to get and keep comfortable, we tolerate horrible situations because the known is just comfortable enough, and the unknown is terrifying. For those of us who have stepped into the land of YET, we have discovered value in the discomfort. There are a lot more feelings than just comfort. Comfort can bring laziness, indifference, and an unhealthy tolerance. It is in having the strength, patience, and bravery to sit in the uncomfortable YET, waiting for things to finally work out, that we discover life has far more for us than comfort and happiness.
Here you are in the uncomfortable yet. Discovering that there is more to life. More to you. More to be. Are you white knuckling it? Or are you taking this time to grow, heal, and become the person who is ready to step out of the yet and into the finally? As a coach this is what I do, I help people find perspective and growth in the waiting. I help people overcome that which keeps them stuck. And I can help you too! Click here to sign up for a free 30min sample session to discover how.
Dr. Jordan Peterson said “One of the advantages of being true to your own visions is that you won’t get what you don’t want.” The opposite reality being that if you don’t keep true then you won’t get what you so desire. For many this is the greatest consequence in life, to get to the end and not feeling like it mattered. This is why so many people spend their 30’s reassessing the priorities that they set in their 20’s and why by the late 30’s it looks like they are having a crisis because they make so many big changes in quick fashion.
It is not a crisis to make changes and create the lifestyle that you want.
It is not a crisis to change careers, even if that is leaving the workplace to be a SAHM.
It is not a crisis to move five states a way.
It is not a crisis to align all of your time and money to reflect your values and to stop trying to keep up with the expectations of others.
It is not a crisis to buy chickens and start a garden.
It is not a crisis to get a new car, as long as it is within your budget.
Even if you do all of these things, it doesn’t mean you are having a crisis! Maybe it means for the first time ever you are not in a crisis! Have you paused to recognize the chaos you were living in, the constant conflict with yourself, by living out expectations that didn’t align with your values, with your priorities, and were pulling you further away from your goals?
Or are you that person who is reading this and for the first time you are wondering if you really do have permission to dream, to live out that vision, and to pursue your life in a way that makes your heart sing? Yes, you do have permission.
Where ever you land in this process here are three areas to focus on to align your life and avoid the internal chaos:
- Your highest values. What matters most to you in life? What do you refuse to compromise? What do you want to define you? These are your highest values.
- Your values will help you choose priorities. Throughout life our priorities change and as they change we adjust the goals we need to achieve to fulfill our prioritized values. For example, if one of your highest values is to be a mom, as you let this value set priorities you may adjust your goals to reduce how much you work outside the home so that you can spend more time with your kids.
- Last but not at all least, your faith. In fact, this is probably your highest value, which will definitely influence your priorities. But I find that when I do the work in this order that I expose my true self, my deepest heart, by naming my values and priorities, and then I check them against my faith and what God says about me, and about them. This might feel like double the work, but the resistance I have towards God when I already know what is in my heart and coming from me is less when I realize that He is asking me to give up something I think is so great for something that He knows is far greater.
Like Peterson said, being true to your vision for life will get you what you want. But you won’t have that life until you do the work to get it. What you choose is what you have.
Are you feeling stuck in this process? An endless battle with yourself? Feel like you have to battle everyone else to convince them that you are on the right path for you? This is what I do as a coach, help you navigate the path to creating a life that you can live in the fullness of who you are and what matters most to you. Get your free sample session here.
We have spent the past couple weeks looking at different types of adult friendships, learning from those older than us and having a healthy peer group. If you missed any you can start here and catch up! This week we are looking at those in our lives that we have a chance to influence, teach, or guide.
The Teachable are those that are, most often, younger than us, to whom we can teach what we have learned. We are able to walk beside them and help them find their way. Sometimes for life, sometimes for a season, sometimes for just one lesson. The beauty of having someone younger in our lives is that we are able to take the hard lessons of our lives and help others learn how to avoid them.
When it comes to these friends it is important to remember that it is not about you, but their journey, and you get to be a part of it. Your job isn’t to make them do or not do something, but to use your life experience as a resource for them to learn from. And in return you will find that you learn from them as well. This is not a one sided friendship where you give all, but you will give more as you have more to give. The greatest blessing in these types of relationships is when you model teachability and learn more than you ever expected. I think being teachable is the best mindset to have. It is not just curiosity, or willingness to learn, but the humility to admit that I don't know everything, only enough to know that I don't know everything. Therefore it is an honor to learn from those who have gone before, to learn from our peers, and to learn from those we are pouring into. Nothing proves that you don’t know it all like living as if you do. Having friends in your life who help you keep teachable is a gift. Having friends in your life to teach is a part of that gift.
If you aren’t ready for coaching, but are looking for a free community where you can ask questions, learn, and grow check out https://deborahsprague.com/members
We have reached that time of January where the hype of resolutions has faded into the reality of consistency. It is so easy to shame myself for not doing better, or being better, and then I am reminded that shame is paralyzing and does not bring me success. What then does bring success?
Acknowledging the reality of the journey has taught me the importance of self-compassion. It is easy to shame myself when I compare myself to others, but their path is not mine, and when I accept grace and celebrate the lessons I have learned along the way, I am more likely to apply those lessons and make better choices along the way. Recognizing that my journey is incomparable to anyone else's has been liberating. It has enabled me to shed the burden of comparison and embrace my own identity fully, as well as silence the voice of shame.
Consistency is key to make the desired changes in our lives, and the way to generate consistency is to recognize the need for two elements:
1. Small changes.
2. Celebration!
For every big change we make there are a thousand little changes that helped us complete the big change. Economist Thomas Sowell said “There are no solutions, only trade offs.” How I understand this to mean is that our choices are always compromises, we choose a, which means we have to give up b. This is how change happens in our lives, I choose to start the project, that means I’m stopping whatever fun activity I was using to procrastinate my project. And for every time I choose to complete a small step towards my goal, that is one less step in the opposite direction.
I haven’t emphasized lately the importance of celebration! Humans have the horrible ability to focus on the one negative in a sea of congratulations. This is why it is so important to celebrate your wins, no matter how small! I asked earlier this week on my insta page @DeborahSpragueOfficial (give it a follow) “what is one way you cared for yourself today?” and celebrated the wins of those that answered. It is so important to build your success on a good foundation, and that includes accepting your own success. It is so easy to down play it and tell you that you aren’t worth the celebration, and by doing so you will crush your own spirit and stay exactly where you are because you will continue to believe that you are worthless. You are NOT worthless! So start right now and celebrate your successes today, no matter how small!
Coaching people to live their best lives by helping them discover just how worth it that they are, and how much value they bring the world, is what I do. Get your free 30 min sample session here so that you can discover your purpose.
I am one to push myself hard and far, to the end of my limits and then some if I can! But there is one limit that I cannot push, and that is time. June is a difficult month for me as I have lost a lot of people very dear to me during June. I also have a lot of friends, and family, who were born in June. Life and death remembered all at once is the most real aspect of living, because they do go hand in hand. The longer I live the more aware I am that I don’t know how much time I have, and therefore I need to use it well.
I hate feeling like I’m wasting time. There are hours that I know I have wasted, and I have to be honest about that. And then there are the hours, days, weeks, or even seasons that feel wasted, only to look back later to see that they were not. I believe that I am exactly where I need to be, learning and growing as I am able to, and I need grace for this journey. I also have to be real about procrastination and wasting time.
Because the days turn so quickly into years, it is so important to live intentionally every day. Knowing what you want out of life, breaking that down into attainable goals, and taking a step each and every day is the best way I know how to reach those life goals, regardless of how big they are. To dream so big that you have to grow to reach it means taking one, or two, intentional steps every day so that when you get there you are the person you want to be, living the life you want, and being how you want to be remembered.
Tell me below what big goal you have, and one step you will take today so that I can cheer you on.
