Happy Summer Solstice! As we approach the end of June I am, again, amazed at how quickly time has gone! Half the year has already passed and I am looking at my goals for the year and checking my progress. How about you, are you making progress?
I was reminded this week that if you never have time for what matters, you never will. It is not about time, it is about intention and priority. You can put stuff off for later, just know that later always comes. With this in mind, Summer Solstice is the perfect time to pause and take account of what I intend to do, what I am prioritizing, and what I am expected to do.
Expectations are what others put upon us, and we let them. I am expected to enjoy summer to the full. I am expected to work a job pays bills, even if it's unfulfilling. I am expected to take a vacation and put it all over Insta. I am expected to put everyone before me to the detriment of my health. But what if I don't want these things? What if I don't intend to fulfill the expectations of others?
What I intend to do comes out of who I am and what matters most to me and where my heart beats. It doesn't fulfill anyone's expectations but my own. I intend to do a lot of things, and I look forward to enjoying them, but I don't necessarily have time in one day to do all of them so I have to prioritize my to do list.
Prioritizing is the wonderful, beautiful skill of putting into order all that I intend to do! Prioritizing my to do list requires figuring out what matters most, and what needs to be done in the short term, and then identifying the order in which I am going to complete all that I intend. I will have time for these tasks because I am making time for them by setting the intention and prioritizing. I look forward to where I will be come Labor Day! Where will you be? Tell me below!
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I received a message today asking "why don't I want to do life as I sit in my office today?"
I asked "Is it because you are working a job that is not from your heart?"
She replied "No, definitely not from the heart."
This is a real struggle in our modern age. We have the basic financial demands of life that must be met. All the while we were raised with the idea that living from the heart, true to ourselves, is better than just surviving. Most of us find a tolerable path and fill our weekends and vacations with the life we really want, knowing that our day to day will provide us those moments. But deep down we aren't truly fulfilled. You have dreams that you have left buried deep in the background because every time you think about them you hear all of these voices in your head telling you why you won't achieve these dreams, repeating lies, and raising your self doubt. These words are holding you back, and helping you over come them is just the beginning of how I help my clients.
When you think about living the life of your hopes and dreams, what does that look like?
What does that feel like?
What are you willing to do to achieve this life?
Dreams are a wonderful way to fill a day, but when it comes time to turn them into goals, to make a plan to achieve them, and do the hard things to reach them, this is where most folks decide to let them stay dreams. You deserve to live a meaningful life, from your heart, with the accomplishment that comes with making these dreams a reality. To get started today, I offer a free, 1 hour, sample session so you can see how I work for your success. Schedule yours here.
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Every time someone asks me what my 5 year plan is I cringe, visibly. I struggle to make 5 year plans for a variety of reasons, maybe you do too, but I’m good at setting and meeting goals. So instead of plans, let’s talk about your goals, because without goals, there are no plans!
The first step in goal setting is to make sure that your goals are in line with what you value, if not you will not achieve the goal, and it will cause you conflict with yourself. Most of the time when I see this struggle it is because there is an expectation that is put on you by your family, friends, or culture. This does not make the expectation bad, and it does not mean that your family and friends don’t know you, it simply means that there is something they find wonderful and want you to have the same wonderful thing in your life. What matters here is to put that expectation in the right place, and to make sure your goals align with your values.
The second step in goal setting is to see how your goals overlap with each other instead of conflicting. Think of those diagrams with circles that overlap a little bit, or a lot. For example: I love hiking and have a life goal of hiking as long and as far as I can. So goals that overlap this are to live around mountains, keeping my body healthy and strong, and to have a career that allows me to hike as much as possible.
The last step in goal setting that I’ll discuss today is that your goals are reasonable, measurable, and attainable. Setting a goal of being a billionaire who lives on a private island sounds amazing. But it may be too far out of reach today, so you will need to set smaller goals to achieve first. The snowball effect shows us that by achieving small goals you will roll through bigger and bigger goals because you have the energy and proof of attaining the goals along the way. There is nothing wrong with dreaming big as long as you are willing to do the hard work of making the smaller dreams a reality along the way to the big one.
Remember that Goals are how
I live my faith.
I spend my time.
I spend my energy.
I use my body.
I spend money.
I make memories.
I experience success.
I want to be remembered.
After you take a few minutes to ponder each of these questions, comment below what you are discovering about yourself and your goals!
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I am frequently asked about how to make friends as an adult, as kids it was easy you just play with whomever is around. But as adults we know what we like, what we don’t like, what our boundaries are, and we have watched many of the friends we used to have disappear down other paths, or worse, have had a huge falling out and a giant wound remains in our hearts where their friendship used to live. At some point we lose enough people that we don’t want to open up anymore, we weigh the risk and then decide if the investment is worth it. As children we could freely enjoy friends, as adults we understand what kind of time, energy, and emotions it takes to be able to enjoy people the way we did when we were kids.
Then there is the challenge of keeping friends while adulting. There doesn’t seem to be enough time, energy, or reason to spend with and for our friends, much less make new ones. For those with kids it is even more difficult as kids will interrupt an adult conversation a dozen times in 20 minutes and there you are wondering what this friend thinks about you since you can’t get away from your kids or into an adult headspace. This challenge is also a great filter, since we don't have time to waste, people won't choose to hang out with you if they don't want to!
The first step in any problem is to identify it, and get really specific about what you are looking for. Sure we all want the Anne of Green Gables experience of instantly connecting to a “bosom friend” but is that realistic? As an adult I have had this experience a couple of times, but more often the lasting friendships that I have formed as an adult have come from spending time with someone and watching us grow with each other. I think it was CS Lewis who said “friends are two people who look at each other and say ‘you like this too!’” And I love this imagery. We need friends who share our weird interests, and care about us too! We also need friends who highly value what we do, it doesn't have to be exactly the same, but you cannot be friends with a liar if you highly value integrity!
Once you identify what you need in a friend, and interests that you can share with friends, the next step is to do the things! For example, I love to hike! I’ll do it alone, but it is a lot more fun with friends. (and yes! The photo here is of me hiking alone!) A few years ago an acquaintance of mine found out that I love to hike and asked to join me, I’ve lost count of how many miles we have since trekked together, but it has formed a great bond between us, and now we live hundreds of miles apart, but we keep up on the important stuff and are figuring out our next hiking trip! It sounds so simple that you will want to complicate it, don’t. Enjoy the simplicity of it!
Pro Tip: Really listen to folks when they share about things, a friend of mine heard me mention playing board games with my family and asked if I’d like to come to a game night at her place. It was fun and I met some of her friends, broadening my network. How can you know if someone likes something that you do if you don’t listen?
Most importantly, be brave! I know it is not as easy, and the more rejection you’ve had the scarier it is. But you can do this! You can invite a couple people over for dinner and board games to see how much you connect on. You can accept the invitation to a party, or small get together and see what happens. You can choose to arrive with your hands open to whatever opportunity comes, doesn’t mean you have to take those opportunities, but it will teach you how to better discern people and what you are looking for in a friend. A journey is made up of a thousand steps, but it starts with one, so take your step towards friends today!
Helping you live your purpose with healthy relationships is what I do, so check here for a time for your free 30 minute sample session so that you can see how journeying with me will help you.
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Have you ever set goals for yourself and wondered why you aren’t making the progress you want? I have! What I learned is that reaching the goal is not always as important as the lessons that I learn along the way. Have you heard the saying “set goals so big that you have to grow to reach them”? If your goal were so easy to achieve, then you wouldn’t be growing, so lets talk about why you are stuck.
One reason you think that you are stuck is because you aren’t looking at the growth you have had along the way. It is easy to look at what you lack and to think “I’m a failure.” The reality of deciding that you cannot is that you are right! But what have you actually done? How much progress have you made? Don’t get caught up in completing your goal, celebrate every step along the way!
Or is your reason for being stuck something deeper? What do you believe about you? Why don’t you deserve this goal? I have found myself there, believing what I’m working towards will never be since there isn’t enough for me. There is no point in wasting time and energy if I won’t succeed so I’m going to believe that I cannot make it no matter what I do, and just sit here miserably in mediocrity. No one changes their life without the discomfort of growth, loss, and the unknown.
The work of today is to identify the journey you are on, the small goals of today, and this week; and then the big goal that you are growing into. To name the discomfort you are feeling and acknowledging that you want to take the easiest path around it instead of walking with it a while. And to form a support system, do you have someone to hold you accountable? To cheer you on when you make those small goals? Or are you struggling in silence, waiting to reveal the end result? Don’t do this alone! As a coach helping you achieve your goals is what I do, I can show you how with in 30 minutes, sign up for free here!
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