Is it just me or does modern love seem like such a fleeting thing? We hear about these marriages that last for 60+ years and cannot imagine how to create a love like that. We make a thousand excuses for why we cannot find someone to marry, or for why the marriage fell apart, or for why we think long lasting love is a thing of the past. Maybe it is, maybe the problem is we have psychoanalyzed too much and now we are too logical for love. Or maybe, just maybe, we are too afraid to love.
We live in a world where everything is on film and video. The oddest things go viral in a day, and yet we all live in the fear of being seen, really and truly seen and known. The problematic outcome is that to be deeply loved we must be truly seen, good, bad, ugly, secrets, vulnerabilities, accomplishments, humiliations, weakness, and strengths. Anyone who has been loved like this knows that it can be scary because your lover can use this knowledge against you, even so, they choose to accept you anyway. They choose to speak truth to you in all of your mess, with grace and kindness because they want to see you blossom into your best self.
For me one of the most difficult aspects of a deeply intimate relationship is how they consistently show me that I see myself inaccurately. It’s not that I am completely unaware of how I am, but its that they can see my blind spots and I need the mirror of their friendship and love to show me what I cannot see in myself. Great loves have this element of friendship, where we kindly show each other these blind spots so that we can rid ourselves of that which isn’t working for us, and make space for that which will.
I’ve been thinking about the Bible verse that says “to speak the truth in love.” Which is such an interesting concept because love is a verb, its an action, so to speak the truth is an action that we are to do with in an action… I think a better translation would be to speak the truth in kindness. Or speak the truth with grace, out of a place of affection. To build the kind of relationship that lasts a life time we must be brave enough to let someone look at our flaws and speak the loving truth to help us grow through them, while simultaneously being that person for them. This is what true love is, not simply to accept, but to say, hey, lets work on being better humans together.
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