I have found that the only thing that shame does is shut us down. It petrifies us. In modern language petrify typically means fear, and shame does bring fear and anxiety, but it comes from a root word that means rock. Therefore shame makes us like rocks, frozen, unable to move, unable to think, unable to function.
We often correlate the experience of shame with being judged because we don’t know that we have done something shameful until we are told that it is. I am reminded of the story of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. Every night they would take a walk with God, then one night God comes looking for them, they weren’t right there ready to walk, and when God finds them hiding, He asks why they hid. Adam tells him “I heard you in the garden and I hid because I am naked.” God replied “who told you that you are naked?” God acknowledges Adam's shame, and that God wasn’t the one shaming him. God knows what shame does to us! That it petrifies us, which means we are stuck in a place of shame, and being stuck is as bad for us as shame!
The way to get past the stuckness of shame is to first identify the shame. Without identifying why you feel ashamed you cannot face the issue and be set free from it. And that is the second step, to face it. If someone has made you feel shame, then there is something in their words that resonates in you. In the example I gave above, Adam and Eve felt shame for being naked. This was a new experience for them and they didn’t understand what was going on. They needed God’s perspective on the situation, and once they had it they understood why they felt ashamed. If you don’t understand why you feel the shame, then you need to look at it from a different perspectives:
What is true about this shame?
What is a lie?
What can I change about these things?
Why do I believe this?
Change and growth require movement. Shame stops us every time. It trips us up and holds us back. Which is why the third step is to get moving again. You’ve done the work around the shame, now it’s time to show yourself that this shame holds no power over you and move forward to being your true self, worthy of all you work for.
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Have you ever set goals for yourself and wondered why you aren’t making the progress you want? I have! What I learned is that reaching the goal is not always as important as the lessons that I learn along the way. Have you heard the saying “set goals so big that you have to grow to reach them”? If your goal were so easy to achieve, then you wouldn’t be growing, so lets talk about why you are stuck.
One reason you think that you are stuck is because you aren’t looking at the growth you have had along the way. It is easy to look at what you lack and to think “I’m a failure.” The reality of deciding that you cannot is that you are right! But what have you actually done? How much progress have you made? Don’t get caught up in completing your goal, celebrate every step along the way!
Or is your reason for being stuck something deeper? What do you believe about you? Why don’t you deserve this goal? I have found myself there, believing what I’m working towards will never be since there isn’t enough for me. There is no point in wasting time and energy if I won’t succeed so I’m going to believe that I cannot make it no matter what I do, and just sit here miserably in mediocrity. No one changes their life without the discomfort of growth, loss, and the unknown.
The work of today is to identify the journey you are on, the small goals of today, and this week; and then the big goal that you are growing into. To name the discomfort you are feeling and acknowledging that you want to take the easiest path around it instead of walking with it a while. And to form a support system, do you have someone to hold you accountable? To cheer you on when you make those small goals? Or are you struggling in silence, waiting to reveal the end result? Don’t do this alone! As a coach helping you achieve your goals is what I do, I can show you how with in 30 minutes, sign up for free here!
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