I have found that the only thing that shame does is shut us down. It petrifies us. In modern language petrify typically means fear, and shame does bring fear and anxiety, but it comes from a root word that means rock. Therefore shame makes us like rocks, frozen, unable to move, unable to think, unable to function.
We often correlate the experience of shame with being judged because we don’t know that we have done something shameful until we are told that it is. I am reminded of the story of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. Every night they would take a walk with God, then one night God comes looking for them, they weren’t right there ready to walk, and when God finds them hiding, He asks why they hid. Adam tells him “I heard you in the garden and I hid because I am naked.” God replied “who told you that you are naked?” God acknowledges Adam's shame, and that God wasn’t the one shaming him. God knows what shame does to us! That it petrifies us, which means we are stuck in a place of shame, and being stuck is as bad for us as shame!
The way to get past the stuckness of shame is to first identify the shame. Without identifying why you feel ashamed you cannot face the issue and be set free from it. And that is the second step, to face it. If someone has made you feel shame, then there is something in their words that resonates in you. In the example I gave above, Adam and Eve felt shame for being naked. This was a new experience for them and they didn’t understand what was going on. They needed God’s perspective on the situation, and once they had it they understood why they felt ashamed. If you don’t understand why you feel the shame, then you need to look at it from a different perspectives:
What is true about this shame?
What is a lie?
What can I change about these things?
Why do I believe this?
Change and growth require movement. Shame stops us every time. It trips us up and holds us back. Which is why the third step is to get moving again. You’ve done the work around the shame, now it’s time to show yourself that this shame holds no power over you and move forward to being your true self, worthy of all you work for.
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