Dr. Jordan Peterson said “One of the advantages of being true to your own visions is that you won’t get what you don’t want.” The opposite reality being that if you don’t keep true then you won’t get what you so desire. For many this is the greatest consequence in life, to get to the end and not feeling like it mattered. This is why so many people spend their 30’s reassessing the priorities that they set in their 20’s and why by the late 30’s it looks like they are having a crisis because they make so many big changes in quick fashion.
It is not a crisis to make changes and create the lifestyle that you want.
It is not a crisis to change careers, even if that is leaving the workplace to be a SAHM.
It is not a crisis to move five states a way.
It is not a crisis to align all of your time and money to reflect your values and to stop trying to keep up with the expectations of others.
It is not a crisis to buy chickens and start a garden.
It is not a crisis to get a new car, as long as it is within your budget.
Even if you do all of these things, it doesn’t mean you are having a crisis! Maybe it means for the first time ever you are not in a crisis! Have you paused to recognize the chaos you were living in, the constant conflict with yourself, by living out expectations that didn’t align with your values, with your priorities, and were pulling you further away from your goals?
Or are you that person who is reading this and for the first time you are wondering if you really do have permission to dream, to live out that vision, and to pursue your life in a way that makes your heart sing? Yes, you do have permission.
Where ever you land in this process here are three areas to focus on to align your life and avoid the internal chaos:
- Your highest values. What matters most to you in life? What do you refuse to compromise? What do you want to define you? These are your highest values.
- Your values will help you choose priorities. Throughout life our priorities change and as they change we adjust the goals we need to achieve to fulfill our prioritized values. For example, if one of your highest values is to be a mom, as you let this value set priorities you may adjust your goals to reduce how much you work outside the home so that you can spend more time with your kids.
- Last but not at all least, your faith. In fact, this is probably your highest value, which will definitely influence your priorities. But I find that when I do the work in this order that I expose my true self, my deepest heart, by naming my values and priorities, and then I check them against my faith and what God says about me, and about them. This might feel like double the work, but the resistance I have towards God when I already know what is in my heart and coming from me is less when I realize that He is asking me to give up something I think is so great for something that He knows is far greater.
Like Peterson said, being true to your vision for life will get you what you want. But you won’t have that life until you do the work to get it. What you choose is what you have.
Are you feeling stuck in this process? An endless battle with yourself? Feel like you have to battle everyone else to convince them that you are on the right path for you? This is what I do as a coach, help you navigate the path to creating a life that you can live in the fullness of who you are and what matters most to you. Get your free sample session here.
I am one to push myself hard and far, to the end of my limits and then some if I can! But there is one limit that I cannot push, and that is time. June is a difficult month for me as I have lost a lot of people very dear to me during June. I also have a lot of friends, and family, who were born in June. Life and death remembered all at once is the most real aspect of living, because they do go hand in hand. The longer I live the more aware I am that I don’t know how much time I have, and therefore I need to use it well.
I hate feeling like I’m wasting time. There are hours that I know I have wasted, and I have to be honest about that. And then there are the hours, days, weeks, or even seasons that feel wasted, only to look back later to see that they were not. I believe that I am exactly where I need to be, learning and growing as I am able to, and I need grace for this journey. I also have to be real about procrastination and wasting time.
Because the days turn so quickly into years, it is so important to live intentionally every day. Knowing what you want out of life, breaking that down into attainable goals, and taking a step each and every day is the best way I know how to reach those life goals, regardless of how big they are. To dream so big that you have to grow to reach it means taking one, or two, intentional steps every day so that when you get there you are the person you want to be, living the life you want, and being how you want to be remembered.
Tell me below what big goal you have, and one step you will take today so that I can cheer you on.
There is a powerful moment in the movie Memoirs of a Geisha where the older geisha is questioning the younger one to find out if their plans had been ruined. The younger geisha looks at her, and through tears exclaims “I am NOT WORTHLESS!” And repeats it quietly, to herself, “I am not worthless.”
Every time I get to this scene I am moved. Sure I feel bad for this young woman who is fighting for her life, success, and some peace. But I feel more for me. How many times have I looked in the mirror and whispered “I am not worthless,” to rebuke the voices echoing through my mind of all the ways I don’t measure up, or the lies others believe about me and repeat to my face - hoping to make them true? Have you noticed that there are people in your life who believe lies about you and tell them to your face hoping you begin to believe them too? That is a difficult discovery. People I thought loved me and cared for me, but they have proven that it is more important that everyone see me as they see me, and not for who I really am. And they make sure that I know they believe I am worthless.
What do you do when you realize that someone close to you is so set on you knowing how worthless you are? First you need to acknowledge that this is about them and not you. Now that you’ve identified this behavior you have a choice: do you speak to them about this and reconcile? Or do you walk away? This is not an easy choice because there are so many factors that only you know. So I give you this challenge: Do I care enough about this person to call them out on this behavior? If you don’t then you may choose to ghost them. But the reality of ghosting is that it is in the silence we are left to believe the lies we already believe, so this person may still walk around telling everyone the lies they already believe about you, and by ghosting them you have only made their story more believable.
Should you value this person and relationship enough to speak to them about the lies they speak about you, to your face and otherwise, you need to be prepared to explain how they treat you hurts you, grace to listen to their why, and being willing to let them walk away. As much as you may want to reconcile, they may not. If you present the offense and all they do is make excuses and blame you for their poor treatment of you, then they have shown they don’t want to be held accountable for their choices, and you can walk away. You may still care about them and want the best for them, but they do not reciprocate, and it is okay to walk away, even if this person is a parent, sibling, or a childhood bff! You do not have to keep yourself surrounded by people who would rather lie about you, and to your face, and are always telling you how worthless you are.
If you are looking for more information on setting boundaries I have 3 Keys for setting Boundaries, you can get it for free here!
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I received a message today asking "why don't I want to do life as I sit in my office today?"
I asked "Is it because you are working a job that is not from your heart?"
She replied "No, definitely not from the heart."
This is a real struggle in our modern age. We have the basic financial demands of life that must be met. All the while we were raised with the idea that living from the heart, true to ourselves, is better than just surviving. Most of us find a tolerable path and fill our weekends and vacations with the life we really want, knowing that our day to day will provide us those moments. But deep down we aren't truly fulfilled. You have dreams that you have left buried deep in the background because every time you think about them you hear all of these voices in your head telling you why you won't achieve these dreams, repeating lies, and raising your self doubt. These words are holding you back, and helping you over come them is just the beginning of how I help my clients.
When you think about living the life of your hopes and dreams, what does that look like?
What does that feel like?
What are you willing to do to achieve this life?
Dreams are a wonderful way to fill a day, but when it comes time to turn them into goals, to make a plan to achieve them, and do the hard things to reach them, this is where most folks decide to let them stay dreams. You deserve to live a meaningful life, from your heart, with the accomplishment that comes with making these dreams a reality. To get started today, I offer a free, 1 hour, sample session so you can see how I work for your success. Schedule yours here.
If you aren't ready yet, that's ok, you aren't alone! Until then, sign up for my blog so that you can continue to receive encouragement and tips for living the life you want.
One of the great lessons on my healing journey has been to realize that even though the pain from a prolonged struggle means that I am able to handle far more than I’ll let on, I don’t have to. I don’t have to continue to put myself into situations of intense stress and anxiety; verbal abuse; or worse. If I find myself in that kind of environment, I have permission to get out, and so do you.
It is difficult to heal in the place that wounded you. It is even more difficult to heal in a place that continues to reinjure you. Having walked along side abuse survivors I have observed time and again how they get out of horrific abuse, and find themselves in another abusive situation to a lesser degree. This is often repeated until they can get to a place that is more healthy than abusive. (Lets be real, in this world it is very difficult to get away from people who are all too happy to get ahead at whatever it costs everyone else as long as they are fine.) Where ever you are on your journey, don’t give up! Here are a couple thoughts on moving forward:
Remember that you are exactly where you need to be on your journey! However you got here is a path uniquely yours, and you have made it! Gold Star!!! ⭐️ Celebrate the progress you have made because you’ve made it! You have done the hard work, made the tough choices, walked away from those whom seek to harm you, and have worked to create a safe environment for yourself. You have released volumes of emotions via tears, screaming, and maybe even punching even if it was just the air. And you have made it here. Do not compare your journey to anyone else, for yours is yours alone, and theirs is theirs.
Don’t stay here! Take the step in front of you, and don’t worry about the whole road. It is so easy to get caught up in where we want to be that we neglect what needs to be done here and now to get us there. Don’t worry about the next mile, focus on the step in front of you and the work to be done here. If you are feeling stuck reach out for help. You’ve got this.
You may be wondering how a life coach can help, quite simply I help you embrace the true you and to move forward to your goals, working through all that trips you up and holds you back so that you can continue to heal and live life to the fullest. If you want to see for yourself how this works click here to schedule your free 30 minute sample session.
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