Happy Summer Solstice! As we approach the end of June I am, again, amazed at how quickly time has gone! Half the year has already passed and I am looking at my goals for the year and checking my progress. How about you, are you making progress?
I was reminded this week that if you never have time for what matters, you never will. It is not about time, it is about intention and priority. You can put stuff off for later, just know that later always comes. With this in mind, Summer Solstice is the perfect time to pause and take account of what I intend to do, what I am prioritizing, and what I am expected to do.
Expectations are what others put upon us, and we let them. I am expected to enjoy summer to the full. I am expected to work a job pays bills, even if it's unfulfilling. I am expected to take a vacation and put it all over Insta. I am expected to put everyone before me to the detriment of my health. But what if I don't want these things? What if I don't intend to fulfill the expectations of others?
What I intend to do comes out of who I am and what matters most to me and where my heart beats. It doesn't fulfill anyone's expectations but my own. I intend to do a lot of things, and I look forward to enjoying them, but I don't necessarily have time in one day to do all of them so I have to prioritize my to do list.
Prioritizing is the wonderful, beautiful skill of putting into order all that I intend to do! Prioritizing my to do list requires figuring out what matters most, and what needs to be done in the short term, and then identifying the order in which I am going to complete all that I intend. I will have time for these tasks because I am making time for them by setting the intention and prioritizing. I look forward to where I will be come Labor Day! Where will you be? Tell me below!
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I received a message today asking "why don't I want to do life as I sit in my office today?"
I asked "Is it because you are working a job that is not from your heart?"
She replied "No, definitely not from the heart."
This is a real struggle in our modern age. We have the basic financial demands of life that must be met. All the while we were raised with the idea that living from the heart, true to ourselves, is better than just surviving. Most of us find a tolerable path and fill our weekends and vacations with the life we really want, knowing that our day to day will provide us those moments. But deep down we aren't truly fulfilled. You have dreams that you have left buried deep in the background because every time you think about them you hear all of these voices in your head telling you why you won't achieve these dreams, repeating lies, and raising your self doubt. These words are holding you back, and helping you over come them is just the beginning of how I help my clients.
When you think about living the life of your hopes and dreams, what does that look like?
What does that feel like?
What are you willing to do to achieve this life?
Dreams are a wonderful way to fill a day, but when it comes time to turn them into goals, to make a plan to achieve them, and do the hard things to reach them, this is where most folks decide to let them stay dreams. You deserve to live a meaningful life, from your heart, with the accomplishment that comes with making these dreams a reality. To get started today, I offer a free, 1 hour, sample session so you can see how I work for your success. Schedule yours here.
If you aren't ready yet, that's ok, you aren't alone! Until then, sign up for my blog so that you can continue to receive encouragement and tips for living the life you want.
Every time someone asks me what my 5 year plan is I cringe, visibly. I struggle to make 5 year plans for a variety of reasons, maybe you do too, but I’m good at setting and meeting goals. So instead of plans, let’s talk about your goals, because without goals, there are no plans!
The first step in goal setting is to make sure that your goals are in line with what you value, if not you will not achieve the goal, and it will cause you conflict with yourself. Most of the time when I see this struggle it is because there is an expectation that is put on you by your family, friends, or culture. This does not make the expectation bad, and it does not mean that your family and friends don’t know you, it simply means that there is something they find wonderful and want you to have the same wonderful thing in your life. What matters here is to put that expectation in the right place, and to make sure your goals align with your values.
The second step in goal setting is to see how your goals overlap with each other instead of conflicting. Think of those diagrams with circles that overlap a little bit, or a lot. For example: I love hiking and have a life goal of hiking as long and as far as I can. So goals that overlap this are to live around mountains, keeping my body healthy and strong, and to have a career that allows me to hike as much as possible.
The last step in goal setting that I’ll discuss today is that your goals are reasonable, measurable, and attainable. Setting a goal of being a billionaire who lives on a private island sounds amazing. But it may be too far out of reach today, so you will need to set smaller goals to achieve first. The snowball effect shows us that by achieving small goals you will roll through bigger and bigger goals because you have the energy and proof of attaining the goals along the way. There is nothing wrong with dreaming big as long as you are willing to do the hard work of making the smaller dreams a reality along the way to the big one.
Remember that Goals are how
I live my faith.
I spend my time.
I spend my energy.
I use my body.
I spend money.
I make memories.
I experience success.
I want to be remembered.
After you take a few minutes to ponder each of these questions, comment below what you are discovering about yourself and your goals!
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When talking with my clients about their job or career I often hear their internal battle as: I don’t love what I do, but I cannot quit because I have nowhere to go. By this they suggest that they don’t know where they want to go, only that it’s not here. I have learned that when people feel stuck in a career, are burnt out, wanting out, and hating it, they have a disconnect inside that is causing this struggle.
It is normal to want our work to have a sense of purpose and intentionality. We want work that is honest, ethical, and grounded in values that are in line with our personal beliefs. Most of all, we want to be interested in our field of work. That whole idea of “love what you do and you will never work a day in your life” isn’t entirely true, and we know it, but the truth in the sentiment is that when you are passionate about what you do, you will remain engaged with it. If your beliefs, faith, and values give you a purpose for life, it is only natural to want to implement this purpose, or calling, into your life. We spend so many hours each week working, it only makes sense to make money in this area.
If you read this and think “but i don’t know what I am passionate about!” You are not alone! I recently had a client bring me this challenge. In such moments I bring clients back to what matters most to them. What are your values?
When you think of your preferred lifestyle, what does that look like?
What makes you happy that you don’t want demands on?
When you sit to think about who you really are and what purpose you have in this world, or what calling you have by faith, what is it?
How can you make a difference in the lives of others while providing for yourself and pursuing your own passion?
As you take a few minutes to ponder each of these questions, what did you learn about yourself? Please share below! I enjoy helping people identify their passion and create a lifestyle that is authentic to who they are. I look forward to hearing how this helps you on your way.
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I got thinking about Cinderella this week and it struck me that like so many things in life, her choices could have been different, and they would have ended quite differently. Here are three different scenarios and potential outcomes that really struck me:
1. Cinderella could have chosen to be happy that she was invited to the ball, but set no intention of going. She would have been happy, but not much would have changed in her life. Everyone around her would continue treating her poorly, in fact, they would probably treat her worse because she complied with their desires and aligned with their beliefs about who she is and why she wasn't worthy of going to the ball.
2. Cinderella could have gone to the ball, but played a wall flower, just happy to be there, but not dance or anything, just enjoy her night out as a small win, all the while getting home long before pumpkin time.
3. Cinderella is a rags to riches story, as long as you don't read the Grimm version! But it is more than that. Yes, there is the benefit of a Fairy Godmother, but roll with me a minute as I break this down and get back to the reality that Cinderella could have just been happy, instead she chose to change her life.
This fairy tale is of a woman who knows her value, she knows she is worth more than the abuse that she receives, but she hasn't realized the power she has to get out, so she complies with her abusers to attempt to go to a ball that could change her life. But like all abusers the step mother has to keep control, so oh darn Cindy, you aren't ready to go on time! You did it to yourself and now you can't go and its your own fault even though I took advantage of your helpfulness. Like so many victims Cindy cries out in her pain and frustration, and is, dramatically, heard by her fairy godmother, who could have given the answers presented above, instead she chooses to help Cinderella change her own life.
Let's talk for a moment about what would of happened if FGM showed up and told Cindy that she can choose her own happiness and should be thankful that she was invited, even though she was unable to go. We all know a thankful heart is a happy heart! Besides, Cindy has a roof over her head, a room with a fireplace to keep her warm, and she keeps busy helping with the family. Through her tears Cindy would come around to a thankful heart, but a piece of her would die. She would believe, more than she already did, that she deserved the abuse she received, and she did not deserve anything more. And she would stop trying to get free, and die young from the exhaustion of her life.
Cinderella could have taken FGM up on the whole going to the ball, but be back on time thing, choosing only to eat a little, enjoy the sights, and be a wallflower at the ball, returning home early and not risking pumpkin life! This would have been a small win, nothing wrong with those! Reminding Cindy that she is worthy to be treated as well as all the other ladies of the kingdom, but only if she plays by the rules and has her FGM help her when she can no longer help herself. It may be enough to help energize her to change her circumstances a little, but over time it would all fade and she would go back to her life as it was, with the fading memory of a beautiful evening to cherish in her heart.
Neither of these would be a great story, and truly we are only interested in great stories! So here is Cindy, a gal who let her FGM change her life. She took the opportunity to dance with the prince and let her true self show when it really mattered, and when he came for her she welcomed him! There are two perspectives on opportunity: that it is a magical moment that may or may not arrive, or it is a series of choices that brings one to a place of big opportunity and big choices. Most of us don't have the time or safety net to wait on FGM to magically appear. However the universal truth is that opportunity comes from the choices we make and that many people have well-meaning intentions, but they don't fully understand that we are writing GREAT STORIES, they don't understand that our unhappiness is simply that we are made for more and the more we work for our purpose the happier we become. I don't believe that happiness is the purpose of life, but it is a nice part of it! (that's a different blog entry.) Discomfort isn't the worst either, it teaches us a lot about ourselves, and great stories always overcome challenges. And that is why this is a great story, sure Cindy needed help from a friend to do it, but she could have let this opportunity be a nice night, instead she let it change her life. What before you will change your life, and how are you choosing it?
