Happy Summer Solstice! As we approach the end of June I am, again, amazed at how quickly time has gone! Half the year has already passed and I am looking at my goals for the year and checking my progress. How about you, are you making progress?
I was reminded this week that if you never have time for what matters, you never will. It is not about time, it is about intention and priority. You can put stuff off for later, just know that later always comes. With this in mind, Summer Solstice is the perfect time to pause and take account of what I intend to do, what I am prioritizing, and what I am expected to do.
Expectations are what others put upon us, and we let them. I am expected to enjoy summer to the full. I am expected to work a job pays bills, even if it's unfulfilling. I am expected to take a vacation and put it all over Insta. I am expected to put everyone before me to the detriment of my health. But what if I don't want these things? What if I don't intend to fulfill the expectations of others?
What I intend to do comes out of who I am and what matters most to me and where my heart beats. It doesn't fulfill anyone's expectations but my own. I intend to do a lot of things, and I look forward to enjoying them, but I don't necessarily have time in one day to do all of them so I have to prioritize my to do list.
Prioritizing is the wonderful, beautiful skill of putting into order all that I intend to do! Prioritizing my to do list requires figuring out what matters most, and what needs to be done in the short term, and then identifying the order in which I am going to complete all that I intend. I will have time for these tasks because I am making time for them by setting the intention and prioritizing. I look forward to where I will be come Labor Day! Where will you be? Tell me below!
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I had an interesting experience recently: I didn’t respond to a situation at the level that I require of myself. In short I had to communicate clearly with someone, and I didn’t take the time to make certain I had all of the correct data in clear, communicable form. What ensued was a bit of chaos, which all got sorted out. Upon reflection I called the recipient of this confusing information back and apologized because I believe in taking responsibility for my actions and choices. They were surprised and told me that it was a mess all around and I didn’t need to feel guilty. Those words struck me hard, I didn’t feel guilty at all! I was simply owning that I didn’t make the right choices in the situation and that I am responsible for that and that I will do better in the future.
I don’t know about you, but I have received many fake apologies in my life. I’ve had people blame me for their actions and words while apologizing to me - FAKE! I have received many of the “I’m only sorry that I got caught” FAKE apologies. A true apology requires ownership, responsibility, and identifying the poor choice made, and the accountable truth that one will make better choices in the future. A TRUE APOLOGY DOES NOT REQUIRE GUILT!!! Though it can alleviate it.
However this did get me thinking about how guilt works, more often than not when I experience guilt I have no desire to apologize, I am not motivated to reconcile or to acknowledge my part in what went wrong. I know this comes from my personal history, I have survived abusive relationships and the amount of guilt, guilt trips, and guilt related manipulation when in an abusive relationship is overwhelming. When I begin to feel guilt my fight or flight kicks in, not my personal responsibility. I’ve also learned that it takes a huge amount of maturity and grace to say “I am still learning, this is something I realize I didn’t do well, or correctly, and I will strive to not repeat this mistake.“ It takes even more humility to ask for forgiveness. Does anyone ask for forgiveness anymore? That seemed to go away when everyone started saying “stop judging me!” But thats a blog for a different day, and maybe one I’ve already written.
I challenge you that as you go through this week be aware of your reactions to circumstances, and then the responses you choose in them. Where is that coming from? Is it guilt? Or are you free to take responsibility for what you did and in owning it, apologize to those you wronged, and move forward. Welcome to maturity.
