If you were to put a dollar amount on your character, gifts, abilities, and accomplishments, how much are you worth? You are valuable, do you see it? Our society highly values money and those who to know what to do with it. I have been reminded a lot lately of my value. Not how much I have in the bank, or a highly envied instagram lifestyle, but the value in who I am, my gifts, abilities, and accomplishments.
I was raised to have false humility, the playing down of everything good, trying to convince everyone I am lesser than, and over time I began to believe I wasn’t worth much. I wasn’t worth taking care of. I wasn’t worth investing in. I wasn’t worth celebrating. I wasn’t worth having big dreams that could never come true, because I’m not worthy of such lofty things. What a heap of lies, and they got to me, they get to all of us.
My challenge to you today is to sit for 10 minutes with your journal, notes on your phone, or another way to write out how much you are worth based on who you are, your gifts, abilities, and accomplishments. Read it out loud a couple times. Do you notice the lies get quieter? Are you overwhelmed by how amazing you are? Do you want to scratch something off the list because you question if you are worthy? Don’t let the lies win! Review this list as often as you need to remember you are worth so much, and are growing into even more.
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Hello Friends! It has been an exhausting couple weeks and I have been greatly reminded that there is only so much self care one can do to maintain the self before it becomes self care to survive. The past couple months have been quite demanding and the wall I was expecting to hit came, and as prepared as I was for it, it still slammed hard and I still switched into survival mode.
Self care to survive is different from self caring to thrive. It goes back to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, there is no energy or capacity for self actualization, instead the focus is on the basics: shelter, sleep, food, and getting through. Nourish, restore, repeat. Basics. The steps that don’t feel like self care, but are the most important, primal, parts of self care.
I am worthy to be cared for, so I am worthy of nourishing food
I am worthy of enough sleep.
I deserve to give my body the movement it needs.
I deserve to bathe and and present my self in a way I am proud of.
I am worth maintaining my spiritual practice.
You are worth more than the basics, but when time doesn’t allow, when you don’t have enough energy to care for you more, lean into the basics and don’t worry about the more. Celebrate the small wins, doing laundry; making a healthy meal; keeping to your budget when you are too exhausted to care how much you spend; saying no to something that would put you beyond exhaustion and into burn out.
For today schedule an hour to show you how much you care and pick an activity to show that care. Maybe its a bath where you unplug and detox. Maybe its journaling. Maybe its reading your bible and praying. Maybe its a run or a hike. Maybe its gardening. Whatever your activity is, pick something that speaks to your soul that you are worth the nourishment and restoration that comes through taking this time for yourself.
You may be wondering how a life coach can help, quite simply I will hold you accountable to making the choices that care for you so that you can continue to heal and live life to the fullest. If you want to see for yourself how this works click here to schedule your free 30 minute sample session.
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Every time I talk to someone about self care I hear a dozen excuses about not having money for a spa day, or time for the gym, or the time and money for a vacation. I understand this lack, so let's talk about practical, daily, self care. Self care is saying I am worthy of being cared for. Read this again out loud: I am worthy of being cared for. Repeat as needed.
As this truth sinks in consider what this looks like in every day life. If I am worthy of being cared for, then I am worthy of:
Rest.
Nourishment.
Moving my body.
Vacating my every day life to restore myself.
Receiving respect from my friends, family, and partner.
Exploring new ideas, hobbies, interests, and activities.
Working towards my goals, professional and personal.
Living life to the full!
So how do you begin to care for you?
First: Find 2-3 tasks that you do every day that show you that you care for you. These can be as basic as getting enough sleep, taking your high quality supplements, and eating well. Thank your self for doing these things.
Second: Look at the list above and pick 3 areas where you would like to focus on growing in care. Then pick 1 task for each area that you will be intentional about implementing this week. Write them down.
Third: Acknowledge the hesitations, fears, and beliefs you have about the tasks you wrote down. Say them out loud to release them. Will any of these concerns keep you from doing these caring tasks? Are you finding that you believe you aren’t worthy of being cared for? Or are you recognizing that if you don’t care for you then you won’t have any care to give?
Fourth: Seek help where you need it. Maybe you need to set a boundary with a friend. Maybe you need to communicate with your partner about your needs. Maybe you need a coach, like myself, to walk with you through these overwhelming feelings that are keeping you from caring for you. You are worth it, so ask!
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I want to hear what way are you going to care for you this week, share below!
We are in the middle of the Holidays and for most of us they show up with a mixed bag of feelings because as much as we want to enjoy them, we are all too aware of how much we will need to protect ourselves as we visit with family and friends. If you are the scapegoat in your family you are already bracing yourself to be blamed for everything that's not perfect. Here are two skills for getting through this season:
1. Define What Boundaries Are.
Boundaries are the places from where you will no longer give, the disrespect you will no longer receive, and are most often the word "no." Being the kind person you are, you will want to do whatever it takes to keep the peace this holiday season, so setting a boundary and keeping it is scary because it will disrupt that peace for the family, but you will walk away with some peace for your self, as well as more self respect. Examples of Holiday boundaries: not being available for everything, "sorry, can't make it." Letting *that* family member know that if they continue to say rude things to you, your partner, or your kids, you will leave. (and then act accordingly, empty threats aren't boundaries.) Don't stay longer than you are comfortable, you deserve to be comfortable and when it no longer is simply say "Its been nice, but I need to leave now." You don't owe anyone an explanation.
2. Remember the Mine Principal: What is mine is mine, what is yours is yours.
This puts the responsibility for their actions on them, and yours on you. The more you are blamed for the actions of others the more guilt you feel for that which you cannot control, but you are not in control of how others talk or behave, you are in control of you and how you talk and behave. So control your self well, and walk away from those who are not interested in being held accountable for what is theirs.
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As I set up at a cafe to write I overheard a lady say “we need a break from the summer!” There is so much truth in those words! As wonderful as summer is, the change of pace, the social demands, this idea that we need to get as much out of these long hot days as possible … its exhausting! September means back to school, back to routine, different social obligations, cultural and family obligations… It begins to weigh heavy that we don’t get a break, so we have to make one before we break.
Everyone I know is going through something difficult right now. The weight is too much for us to each to carry, so we rely on each other for support. It is a beautiful practice really, but for many of us we need to lay our burdens down and take a break. I can hear your objections already! But… but… but! Here is what I say to all of your objections: You need a break, so schedule one before you are broken. For every 5 people I know going through a difficult seasons, 1 of them has said “It is time to pause.” And then they define what that looks like. Might be as simple as turning off their phone/gadgets for the afternoon, getting outside, and letting their thoughts clear. Might be more complicated: taking 3 months to move across the country and settle in before finding a job and resuming all of the pressures of life. Most of us can’t do that, nor do we need to, but for many of us a weekend unplugged would do a world of good. Don’t think about all that won’t get done while you are gone. Don’t think about how “behind” you’ll be, because you are the only one who is judging your self for that. It is time to vacate! You may have traveled all summer, but did you really get to breathe? Decompress? Process? Restore? Heal? No! Then TAKE A BREAK and seek out those things! Doesn’t have to be a long break, just an intentional one.
