The truth about humans is that we don’t want to change until it is more uncomfortable to stay the same. It doesn’t matter how miserable we are in our circumstances, the known is still safer and more comfortable than the unknown. So the way to keep comfortable is to choose change, to decide that it is good, and to embrace it.
Wait, what!?! I know, it’s contradictory. But do you really want to wait until you are completely miserable before you make that change? Doing everything you can to keep everything the same, even though you are thoroughly miserable? I call this “Comfortably Miserable” and we all land there at various times for various reasons. Sometimes we land there because of choices we’ve made that have caused us to give up the ability to get ahead of the change. Sometimes we land there because we need this relationship to be as perfect as we imagine it to be. Sometimes we land there because of analysis paralysis. But the day comes and we must get unstuck! We either recognize that our misery is greater than our comfort, or the catastrophic event occurs, knocking every piece of comfort loose.
So how do you embrace change? I find its a two fold process, on one side you are celebrating the new, exploring, engaging, and entering into the possible. On the other side you are grieving what is being lost. With all change there is loss, in letting go of what isn’t working anymore; remember that holding on to these elements so that you don’t have to feel loss can cause more damage. Most of us focus on one or the other when going through change. The sunny adventurer celebrates all of the new possibility, seeming to not notice the pain of the loss of all that they leave behind. While the fearful avoid change and focus on all the horrible aspects of it, the loss, the unknown, the pain, the fear. The truth is that during the process of change we need to honor both: celebrating the new, grieving the loss. It is not always an easy path, but living with this awareness sure beats being miserably comfortable.
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