What is it about how we women were raised that we are willing to wobble so easily on our boundaries? Is it the fear that we will be viewed as cruel for holding them? Is it our nurturing way to want to forgive, heal, and help them grow so they can come back into our lives? Or is it the doubt we have of ourselves?
I heard a great description of boundaries the other day, it’s not just the wall you put up, but the door that lets people in. Boundaries are not about keeping people out, they are about helping them understand how to be a part of your life. So if you feel like you are cruel, rude, or a snob for having boundaries, check that with this question: do I have a way for them to get in? Not sneak in, but a path in that includes the behaviors that you need to see in them so that you can begin to trust them? If there is no path back then it is not a boundary, but a cut off, which doesn’t allow for either of you to grow. Hence the need for a path back in through growth and change.
I have had the pleasure of living in different areas of the USA long enough to really engage with the various cultures, and this next struggle looks different based on how you were raised, but as women we want to see the best in people, we want to see them live their best lives, we want to see them grow and thrive, its the nurturing in us. But we also have a bad habit of not giving things enough time to grow. It takes time to grow and change behavior, and it is easier to fake change than actually change. The proof is in the pudding, so wait for the pudding before wobbling your boundary.
This last question can be a whole blog series! And maybe I will. But for today, I am asking me this question too: Is this real, or am I doubting what I know? While I know the mind is tricky and we all have twisted thinking, I know how often I doubt me and the things that I know to be true, for what ever reason. Even more so I talk with ladies all the time who do this as well. I have been asking me lately that if I know something to be true, then what is raising doubt about this person or situation? Facts withstand questioning. Lies crumble.
As you look at that wobbling boundary today, what is causing the wobble? Drop a comment below so we can celebrate your success, and help you wobble but not fall.
If you are looking for more information on setting boundaries I have 3 Keys for setting Boundaries, you can get it for free here!
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